Nurturing True Friendship: Encouragement to be Vulnerable in Friendship

Nurturing True Friendship: 3 Tips to Foster Friendship Today

Friendship can be hard, y’all. I have struggled with it for years. I fall all over the radar. Constantly battling with feelings of inadequacy and being “too much,” by some hot mess that happens simultaneously, somehow. Being the one that falls off the face of the earth and does not invest enough. The one that over invests in relationships, more than just a season of giving more, but a permanent state.

A few years ago, I decided that it was enough for me. I decided I am enough for me. I made a brave statement to myself and accepted this truth: I want to be loved. I want to love.

I want women in my life that will love on my kids like I do and not be intimidated or threatened when I love their children that way. Because let’s get real: our children need all the awesome momsauce they can get and I cannot be good at all the things. I want people in my life that will help me fold the load of clean laundry that seems to have taken permanent claim on my couch. I want a friend that I can lean on and that is okay feeling vulnerable enough to lean on me, too. In fact, I want a few friends like that.

I feel like I used to be afraid to admit that. That need I have, to be cherished by other feminine hearts. It was like my mind was still stuck in junior high or high school…I wanted to make sure I did not appear too eager. Too ready or open for new friendship, fun, and all the ugly cries to come. A funny thing happened when I finally allowed myself to admit my need, though: it was met. I did not need to be ashamed. I realized practically every woman I spoke to probably felt this way, too, even if they did not want to admit it.

Vulnerability is rough, I know. In my weakness, in my need, I found strength. I started to live from a place of abundance, not lack. Because, there is always enough. Always. Jesus’ love tank never runs dry. He always has more love to pour into my heart. He always had more love to give me to share with these amazing souls I got to do life with. How wonderful.

So, today, I want to invite you into vulnerability with me. Jump into the deep end, sister. It is scary sometimes, but even more so, it is freeing. You might scare some people off. It is okay. They are not ready for the big Jesus love yet. You will be there when they are and they will remember you were that crazy chick they were both drawn to and horrified by and maybe life just got sticky enough for them to realize that they were just scared, not that you were scary.

I say this because I have now lived it. I have experienced women coming back in search of friendship with me that I once walked away from fighting feelings of shame after being open and vulnerable. I have had to lay my trampled heart on Jesus’ lap for healing because they hurt me. Some in little comments, some in big, hurtful actions. But, the love always stayed. It never left. The scars have healed. Jesus fixed it. He always does, if we let Him. Not all those people are an active part of my life anymore, but I feel like I have lived enough life to know that the book never really ends, just a chapter.

Three Tips for Nurturing Friendship TODAY

1. Pray for Your Current and Future Friends

I literally made a list, y’all. Women I was insecure around or unsure where I stood with them. My current besties. And other sisters that I wanted to draw into deeper friendship. I took a piece of paper and a pen and made a circle and just started writing names and praying for them. For their intentions, for God’s will in the growth of our friendship or to allow my heart to let it go (for a season or permanently)…I just prayed. A lot. Daily. And it was so good. Ask God to reveal where and who you should invest your time, energy, and love into more and where you need to love from afar.

2. Check-In

Don’t you love it when out of the blue, somebody checks-in on you? They remember a detail, story, or event in your life and follow up well after the conversation. I feel so special and I think most people do. Make it a priority to check-in with a few people a week. This will nourish your sister’s soul and spirit and help clarify your priorities. This helped me more than anything in deciding what friendships to invest in and what I needed to allow to fall to the wayside.

3. Give Grace…then give more Grace

Try to remember that everyone is hurting. We, as women, are walking around scarred and bruised and you never know what someone is battling. Give grace wherever you can. Jesus tells us in the Gospel of Matthew says to forgive 77 times (click here to see the full passage) and in Hebrew, 7 is a number that represents eternity…so pretty much, God is saying this whole forgiveness game is never over. We are also charged with caring for our own mental, physical and spiritual health, which Jesus also showed us in the Gospels by retreating for prayer and quiet often. It is such a difficult balance. Pray about where to step back, but my rule of thumb is to give grace in the moments when my prayer has not brought the clarity I had hoped for.

After doing this for some time, God has made it clear that this is exactly what He needed from me all along. More than once, I have found out about a silent struggle later on and had a huge moment of thanksgiving for the understanding and grace I had previously given. And it has also worked the other way around. Those lessons stick. It stinks when you hurt someone or feel like you abandoned them in a time of need. BUT, I am called to obedience, not perfection. And, I need to give myself the exact same grace I give those around me.